Thursday night in a shed

We left Marchand for Cape Town last Thursday, as we had to drop the car of in Malmsbury for a major service, and so Big asked Willem [who originates from Clanwilliam] what the name of the fantastic little guest house was at the end of the town [we had stayed here about four years ago.] Willem didn't know, but said not to worry he would arrange us a bed at his parents friends guest house, just down the road from their house.
We arrived in Clanwilliam at around 6.00n pm, the entire town had been cordoned off for the "Wild flower show", it being a very parochial little town [but as quaint as it gets in ZA], I was suitably tickled by the idea of "Wild flowers" in this sleepy farming community...this is about as "Wild" as it gets in Clanwilliam.
Anyway, we eventually teamed up with "Trevor", the guest house owner. I have to say he was an extremely jolly fellow, and as he bent his head into the open car window to shake our hands, I was overwhelmed by the unmistakable aroma of Johnny Walker. Trevor directed us to the second large closed gate that bounded his property and explained that our accommodation lay behind it.
When the huge gates finally opened, we saw what looked remarkably like a garden shed, directly in front of us. Trevor popped out of the fast descending mist and pointed us in its direction. Yes..Willem had booked us into a shed for the night! Those of you who know Big, will imagine his response, and he was totally unrestrained with Trevor.

Everything about our stay was slightly "Tipsy"

"Ahhh, but Mr Klinkenberg, this is like no other shed in the world." Actually it was remarkably like a thousand other garden sheds, except it had a bed and a small shower room and toilet. It was rather grandly called Pineapple orchard. Trevor seemed utterly unmoved by Bigs snipping comments, and when he was asked what time breakfast was served, Trevor responded that the orchard was full of oranges and grapefruits, " Just help yourself, and if you are off very early, pop up to the house, I may still be up with my friend Johnny Walker."
He wagged his finger at us and said, don't forget to set the alarm on the cottage, if you decide to eat out tonight..well that was a red flag to Big, who snorted about an alarm being needed for a garden shed, unceremoniously refused to set the alarm, grabbed me and we headed to the best restaurant in town "The Elephant House" for supper. We lingered for as long as possible over supper, as it was getting increasingly cold and damp outside and we both felt that the shed would afford little protection against the weather. Neither of us had brought our silk long johns and we were bracing ourselves for a cold night.

I woke around 6.00 ish and it was cold and damp, but we had both managed to snuggle up and keep warm through the night, I stepped outside with coffee to watch the sun rising in the orchard ,and to see if Trevor was telling "porkies" about the oranges and grapefruit..he wasn't!, it was then that I noticed an assortment of bottles strapped into the branches of a tree, and then a rather tipsy looking dwarf at the base of a Heath Robinson garden bench...I wonder if we had seen these in the gloom, the night before, we might have been better armed for Trevor and his curious hosting skills.

There were slow motion sounds coming from the main house, sitting above us on the terrace, so I thrust a coffee at Big and we managed to leave by 7.30 am, having left our payment of 400R on the rickety table of Pineapple orchard. Big was still grizzling about the shed and the lack of breakfast...... and I imagine Willems ears may well have been burning.